Dance Machine

Hi Baby.
It’s Mom. You, kiddo, gave me quite a scare today. We went in for our doctor’s appointment and we couldn’t find a heartbeat. I was so scared. You see, baby, you are the best part of me. And the best part of your dad. If something happened to you, I think I would cease to exist. I think I’d just disappear into thin air. I know that’s a lot of pressure to put on a little peach sized kid. Sorry for that. I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of. And it’s a different love, baby. Different from my love for Daddy. Different from my love for Gamma or GiGi or Papa or MawMaw. Different from my love for Aunt Anna and Aunt Sam and Aunt Heather. So very different. It’s a desperate love. One I can’t give up now that I have it.
You have proved yet again, you’d rather be seen and not heard, much like your father. Dr. Johansson (Mom’s current favorite guy of all time) pulled out the sonogram wand and got to searching for you that way. We found you! And your heartbeat! (165!) I was so relieved! You weren’t moving though. That really freaked me out. You were so wiggly the last time we saw you.  Dr. J held the wand right on you and talked to us for a while. I talked, but I watched you. I watched your heart beat. It is the most beautiful little flicker in the world. It amazes me that right now, for this short time, I get to see your heart. I get to watch it grow. That is something that will never happen once you are with me in my arms so I treasure it now. It is so precious to me. After a few minutes I guess you woke up because you dipped your head down and jumped with everything in you. You hopped and kicked your legs and waved your arms and curled up and popped out. You put on such a show for us! Dr. J called you a dance machine. He even typed it on your sonogram photo. I couldn’t believe it! I needed it so badly, baby. You don’t know what a gift you gave me in those few moments. I needed to know you were okay. I wanted so terribly to see what you do in there. You didn’t disappoint. You never disappoint. We’ve been blessed to see you 4 times now. You are growing so strong and so big. So big you’re due date got changed! You went from January 17th to January 11th! Please don’t come on Christmas! Mommy would like some time between all those gifts to get you. GiGi wants you to come on New Year’s Day. That would be fun. What a way to kick off the new year.  I predict the 15th. I don’t know why. It seems like a good day to me. Whatever day you get here will be the best day ever. You are amazing. I can’t wait to hold you.
We started working on your nursery this week. It’s going much slower than I’d like. There is still cleaning to be done. I was hoping we’d be painting by now. Mommy has to learn patience eventually I guess. I just want your space to be done. I’m ready to finish it so you have everything you’re ready to come home to. I can’t wait to bring you home. I really think you’re going to like it here. It’s a pretty cool place. It’s not too loud and there is always a movie or music going. We dance in the kitchen and we snuggle on the couch. You have 5 older siblings you’re coming home to. They all have fur or fuzz or hair or spikes. They’re a weird group, but they’re going to love you. Everyone loves you. Because you are wonderful.
We also finalized your name this week. We each chose one and then your middle names are in honor of some of the most beautiful souls in our lives. If you are a boy you will be Oliver James Henry. James after your great great grandfather and my favorite book of the Bible, and Henry after Grandpa, the most amazing man I’ve ever known besides your Dad and Papa. If you are a girl your name will be Penelope Mae Anne. Mae after Grandma Fairy who was one of the kindest spirits you could know and Anne after MawMaw, the most important and strongest woman in my life. She is my light, right along side you and Daddy. I can’t wait for you to meet her most of all. She will love you and you will think she’s perfect, because she is. My one wish has always been that she would get to meet my children so come on, sweet one, let the time pass quickly so I can get you into her arms.
I love you, my perfect. You are my heart and soul. You are amazing and I know you are going to be such a wonderful person. My prayer for you since the night I found out about you is that you will lead a beautiful life and do something meaningful and important. I know you will. You are destined for great things. You are my sweet miracle.

 

I love you, my life;

Mommy

 

 

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One thought on “Dance Machine

  1. You are such a mommy!! I feel this way about Audrey and I have since I found out too. It’s one of those loves where you just try to will it into existence. Where you think if you just hope and pray hard enough, everything will turn out right. I know what you are feeling in this post and it really got to me. Mama love is one of the hardest loves to experience but its the best. The absolute best of all. See, you could do anything, anything, and Baby J will love you no matter what and you will love Baby J no matter what. It’s a guaranteed, 100%, perfect love. Nothing could be better than that. Nothing! It’s so much like the love God has for us, His own children. Unconditional and always. It gladdens my heart more than you can know that you are finally getting to have your time. I love the names you picked out! This is just all too sweet and wonderful!

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