Even if

I screamed at God today. I don’t really know if you are allowed to do that, but I did. For about 20 minutes I stood in my home and screamed at my Holy Father. Out of frustration, heartache, brokenness, and fear. I listened to what you told me and now I am here. I trusted You and now I am hurting. If it was going to end up like this, why couldn’t You just spare me and never allowed it to happen? I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to feel this. TAKE THIS FROM ME! If I’m so hard to handle, why did You make me like this? It’s not His fault. None of it is. But we lash out at those we love the most, don’t we? I’m questioned God a lot lately. Not my believe in Him, not my trust or my loyalty. But His plan. I’ve spent a lot of time questioning His plan and begging for peace with it. Knowing I would listen but not be happy about it. And now I’m just lost and I need for my Father to hold me. I need comfort only He can give. I’ve thrown myself into worship music lately when everything else just gets to be too much. He gave me this song. And it holds true. I am broken, but I know He has me. I know He can form everything to His good and His glory. And my hope is in Him. I’m praying to being singing it is well with my soul sooner rather than later. Praying He moves these mountains.

“They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul
You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can
I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t”
My hope is You alone

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